HOT 創作馬拉松,正式起跑閃亮星─語風稿件大募集

大一總結

上   Ennui,   bittersweet  

How   can   I   escape   from   this   isolated   ennui   from   the   unwillingness   of   being   a   misfit   ?

How   can   I   leave   this   cold-hearted   place   full   of   bewilderment   that   only   can   be   described   as   bittersweet   ?

Fear   of   being   awkward,   committing   mistakes

Again   and   again

Afraid   of   being   the   spotlight,   lagging   behind   on   the   lane  

Can   I   survive   the   race

I   have   tons   of   words   wanting   to   say,   but   I   have   no   one   to   talk   to.

Somehow   I   forgot   how   to   act   appropriately,   decisively,   gracefully,   and   socializationally  

Can   you   see   through   my   heart   flow?  

Dare   you   not   realise   that   I'm   working   so   hard?

I   have   goals,   desires,   worries,   anticipation

How   I   hope   desperately   that   I   can   press   fast   button   forward   and   see   through   my   future,   my   life   actually,   in   one   minute

Debris   -   Top   failure

Winter   -   distressed  

下   Remorse,   deliberate

I   don't   feel   any   sense   of   belonging   at   any   time  

Even   though   I   want   to   perform   well   (best   maybe)

I   regret   and   flinch   back  

And   I   perform   decently

To   meet   the   basic   standard

After   that   (often   when   I   am   alone)

I   regret   again  

For   how   I   didn't   comprehensively   exhibit   my   ability   and   showcase   the   process   of   my   'unique'   way   of   thinking

And   begin   looking   forward   for   the   next   time

Until   the   desire   fades

And   then   I   shrink   back   when   I,   again,   think   of   others'   thoughts   and   feelings  

And   perform   decently

Not   present   myself   totally   (and   well)

That's   how   the   battle   (war   sometimes)   functioning   in   my   heart  

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