【前篇:《『老公』來電》】#耽美#微H#虐心#BE
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忍不住又瞥了一眼牆上的鐘,才發現在我那難耐的分分秒秒裡,原來距離剛剛看它的時候也才不過又多了五分鐘而已。
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忘了曾幾何時,這一分一秒,竟變得如此漫長煎熬。
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雖說我發給他的訊息,他不讀不回也不是第一次了,但好歹也讓身為男友的我知道他人現在在哪裡?跟什麼人在做什麼吧?
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就連剛剛撥過去的電話也全被掛斷。
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我操,這個鄒少愷最近到底是什麼情況啊!媽的。
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認真想起來,這也不是最近的事情了,但我總是選擇睜一隻眼閉一隻的來避開爭吵。
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煩。
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真他媽煩!
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在鄒少愷信誓旦旦的承諾會照顧我一輩子之後,整整過了三年,同居的日子。
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還記得第一年,他把我捧在手心上寵得跟什麼一樣,不許我餓著肚子,不許我受任何一點風寒,總是任性的給了我他那霸氣滿滿的溫柔和溺愛;而那時候的我,驕傲地深信著自己是這個世界上最幸福的男人,無法自拔的沉浸在只有他的世界裡。
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那年,他不顧一切的帶著我在他父母面前出櫃後,被轟出了家門,關係鬧得特別僵,我們倆更是多次承受了他們那些不堪入耳的辱罵和種種憤怒失望的聲浪。
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這場為愛的革命,遠比我們想像中的更加顛簸難走,至今尚未成功。
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儘管如此,他仍堅定的告訴過我,會守護我們的愛情。
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我是信了。
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然而事業漸漸有成的他,不知道從什麼時候開始,越來越晚歸;晚歸就算了,回來的時候身上總是沾惹著女人的香水味,甚至是口紅印,我的猜忌之心也不得不由此而生。
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過去的那些爭執、心碎了幾次,我也不想再提。
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他說,那些交際應酬都只是逢場作戲罷了。
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好吧,我也是信了。曾經。
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可是現在,我就想問自己一個問題:『你他媽的還要自欺欺人到什麼時候啊?韓軒顥!他變了難道你感受不出來嗎?你傻了吧你!』
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是啊,他變了。
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因為我看過他認真愛我的樣子。
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那個目光不會從我身上移開半秒的鄒少愷,那個口口聲聲說要我別想逃的鄒少愷!我是看過的啊!
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怎麼…我現在卻看不到了?
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慢慢陷入低落情緒的我,突然間被玄關的開門聲給拉了回來。
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看見鄒少愷有點搖晃的將門關上,雙頰通紅的脱著鞋子,看來是喝了不少。
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「你剛剛去哪了?怎麼不接我電話?」我急著問他。
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「我還能去哪?在外面應酬完回來,你能說的就只有這些嗎?」鄒少愷厭煩的說著,連看都不看我一眼。
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「我是在擔心你。」等了你一天了,別對我這麼冷漠行不行。
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「…………」鄒少愷沒說話。
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尷尬的過了一會兒,我忍著鼻頭的那陣酸楚開口問:「我們還要這樣子到什麼時候?」
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只見鄒少愷坐在玄關邊的木板上,仍背對著我,不發一語。
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媽的,我真快被他給逼瘋了!
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「算了,我先睡了。」我壓抑著摻雜著憂鬱的怒火,丟下一句話。
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「我要結婚了。」
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就在我轉身走沒幾步,鄒少愷說出的這幾個字便立刻讓我打住了腳。
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「什麼?」我沒聽清,又或者是我聽錯了。
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「我要結婚了。」鄒少愷重複一次,語調沒有任何起伏。
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哈,這他媽的是在跟我開玩笑吧?
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在這靜得連根針掉到地上都能聽清的客廳,毫無疑問的那五個字清清楚楚地刺進了我的耳裡。
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瞬間,我的胸口悶得難受。
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像是突然間被宣判了死刑似的。
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「怎麼?這幾年對女人感興趣了?」我表面上冷冷地應著,其實內心的不安正躁動不已。
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「嗯。」鄒少愷無情的嗯了一聲。
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「跟女人做過了?」我追問。
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「嗯。」
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呵,他的應聲還真是讓我難堪。
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我不敢想像現在掛在自己臉上的會是一副怎樣崩潰的表情。
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「那我算什麼?你他媽的突然就告訴我你要跟女人結婚是什麼意思?」咬著牙,我心痛的問。
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「分手吧。」
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「啊?……」從沒想過這三個字會從他嘴裡說出口的我,錯愕的轉身看向他。
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「你自己剛剛不是也問了?"我們還要這樣子到什麼時候"?」坐在木板上的鄒少愷終於站了起來,轉身面向我。
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對眼的那一刻,看著不再熟悉的他,我紅了眼眶,不明白自己到底哪裡做錯了,他才會這般殘忍的傷害我。
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我開始想,這些日子裡,是不是我一再忽視了我們之間存在的問題,他才會狠心犧牲我們的愛情;是不是我沒法幫他分擔家族及輿論給他造成的龐大壓力,他才會選擇向這個不公的世界投降。
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混亂的思緒讓我無法再保持冷靜,我快步走到他的面前,緊緊的抱住他。
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「你別想走!」我真的怕了,怕他離開。
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「別鬧!」
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鄒少愷毫不猶豫地一把將我推開,這時我才發現,原本戴在他手上的對戒,款式不同了;而我再低頭看看戴在我指跟上的那枚戒指,此時此刻也顯得格外諷刺。
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哈哈,你真是個王八蛋呢,鄒少愷。
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怎麼將我套牢之後,你卻逃開了?
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「老實說吧,結婚是不是你家裡的意思?你並不想跟我分手的是吧?啊?」我抱著一絲希望。
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「是我的意思。」可他的回答卻立刻滅掉了我的那一絲希望。
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「不可能!我操你的..你能不能告訴我你到底怎麼了!」
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「我不愛你了。」鄒少愷回得真絕。
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心涼的我倒抽了一口氣,感覺心臟的位置緊緊的揪在一塊,讓我呼吸也疼。
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你說,你不愛我了?
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哈,那我怎麼辦?
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我太愛你了,愛得太多,無法收回了,你讓我能怎麼辦?
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「韓軒顥,你知不知道我最受不了你示弱的模樣,就像現在。」鄒少愷伸手抬起我的下巴,滿嘴酒氣的對我說。
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不等我回話,鄒少愷湊近咬上我微張的雙唇,舌尖帶勁的探進我的嘴裡不斷攪和著。
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「嗯嗯!唔嗯!…」我瞪大我那發紅的雙眼,腦袋一片空白。
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操,他這又是在幹什麼呢?
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接著他熟練的脫掉在我身上的每一件衣物,將我推倒在沙發上。
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「媽的住手!你這是在強姦!」這才回過神的我,開始對他拳打腳踢。
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「我這是在道別。」鄒少愷完全不顧我的反抗,用力扒開我的雙腿。
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呵,道別?
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這算哪門子的道別?連讓我準備的時間都沒有,你可真狠啊。
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「啊啊!很痛!」我大叫。
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「這是最後一次。」鄒少愷摀住我的嘴,狠狠地插了進來。
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「啊!————」
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這絕對是我人生中最糟的一次性愛了。
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在這場性愛中,我掙扎、我抗拒;然後我回應、我妥協;我努力含著淚卻還是讓它奪眶而下,我緊緊的抱著已不再是深愛著我的那個他。
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如此錯綜複雜的情緒在整個過程中逐步將我吞噬,我想我應該瘋了吧。
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凌晨4點,天還沒亮,坐在岸邊的我,一口氣喝掉了僅存在我手中那五分之一瓶的厚酒。
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搞清楚了,我這可不是在失戀後藉酒麻痺自己。
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我這是在壯膽。
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儘管遍體鱗傷。
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看向黑暗中的浪花,任由醉意帶著我沉醉在充滿笑聲的回憶裡。
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曾經的感動,像是回音般的在我耳邊迴盪。
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我想只有現在,我的心是平靜的。
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『韓軒顥!你這輩子都別想逃!』
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『我不逃,再也不會逃了。』
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『就問你一句話,想不想跟我在一起?』
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『想,我想跟你在一起。』
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『相什麼親?我有你就夠了。』
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『媽的,別在公司撩我!』
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『鄒少愷!你讓我寫辭呈是什麼意思?』
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『快寫吧!我養你。』
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『這戒指給我戴好了,不准摘下!』
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『哼,我不會摘下,也不會還你!』
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『我愛你,韓軒顥。』
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『我愛你,鄒少愷。』
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這些片段、這些聲音,彷彿還是昨天的事情。
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哈,所以說,鄒少愷不可能會丟下我的,太不真實了!我肯定是在作夢!
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「哈哈哈...真可笑。」我無奈的笑出聲,站了起來。
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摘下手上的戒指,我哽咽著,一揪心,嘴角微微的顫抖幾下;我緊緊的握住了它好一陣子,才鬆開了手。
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「啊—————-」接著我撕心裂肺的一邊吼著,一邊將戒指丟向海裡。
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隨後,我似乎搖搖晃晃的往那一片死黑的大海走去。
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越往前走,我越分不清自己臉上的這是淚水還是海水了。
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鄒少愷,我想,我對你的愛,既然收不回了,那我便止步於此。
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"唰一一一一一"的一聲,嘩啦嘩啦...啪噠啪噠........
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那是我最後聽到的聲音。
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恐懼,深得難以想像。
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好冰。
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身體在下沉。
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好冷。
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無法呼吸。
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漸漸失去力氣。
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還在下沉。
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一切變得模糊。
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難受至極。
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是不是這樣,這個噩夢就會結束。
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我知道,每個故事不一定都會有好的結局。
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或許我的,就不是。
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【END】
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oOjVthmZL56PsFUpxC8GQ4f1NHBu0ATD7Y9rR3wg
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