今天晚上一打開家門,
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飄出未曾聞過的腥味,
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看見家人臉上的沈重,
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和地上尿布墊上有幾塊暗紅色乾掉的血漬,
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後來我家人說:弟弟(馬爾濟斯狗狗)死掉了
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在這個當下我家人都很難過的哭,
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連平常很少哭的爸爸也哭了,
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但我內心就像是有一塊大石頭壓著,
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我的感受是平靜的且哭不出來的
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當下我才想起,
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在不久前,
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我做了一個夢是弟弟在家裡被法鬥咬,
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結果弟弟的胸口都是血,
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夢很真實且當下夢醒,
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後來我也忘了這件事,
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沒想到今天是真的發生,
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從來沒想過是真實的發生在家
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家人說今天回到家看到弟弟冰冷的躺在地上,
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白色的毛髮染成鮮紅,
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撕咬的痕跡,
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地上幾顆牙齒,
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空氣充滿濃濃的腥味,
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家裡本來就有養兩隻的馬爾濟斯,
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但在外住的家人因為他自己養的法鬥都沒有結紮也沒送養,
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於是逐年越養越多將近十隻法鬥,
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而把四隻法鬥丟給家人照顧幾年,
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家人每天都要照顧、清理四隻狗,
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早上或回家就會面對法鬥的大小便或是搞破壞的髒亂,
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因此家人每天的心情都不是很好,
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也超過他每天的心力及忽略了原本養的兩隻狗狗,
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每天大多的時間都是在照顧四隻法鬥,
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有跟家人討論過,
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如果你覺得超過你能力所及一定要溝通,
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不然可能會發生一些超乎你已知認為所想像的事,
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但家人始終逃避和不面對這問題,
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對於這件事,讀者有何思考呢?
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但對於我來說,
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這是考驗我們對人事物的底線與忍耐,
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有些人總是想要貪心的擁有很多,
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但是身為人是有時間、金錢、精力的限度,
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因此我們有思考過為何我們會活得那麼不開心?輕鬆?自在?
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有部分可能是要太多,
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當我們重視少量我們所愛的人事物是我們能力所及的時候,
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我們有給予自己獨處與愛的時間精力時,
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我們才有能力是以有品質的方式給予愛,
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若當我們自己的問題不去面對處理時,
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暫時的可能是身邊的一些人事物離別,
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但最後都逃不了自我去面對這些問題,
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若自身沒有覺察到或已知且逃避的問題波及了身邊的人事物時,
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內心會有何感受呢?
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或許這時候的痛苦是建立在他者身上,
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但最終所承受的痛與感受,
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總是伴隨著累積與加乘回到自己身上,
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時間、生命、金錢、精力是有限的,
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那我們要如何選擇所愛的人事物?
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哪些選擇是在當下感到滿足安心自在?
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當向外求而忘了回到內心關注並覺察反思時,
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有些痛正悄悄地走上心門,
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離別難道只有分手?死亡?遷移?旅遊?字詞上的意思嗎?
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我們自己是如何去解讀每一次造成這些問題背後的原因和自我覺察並反思?
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這是幫助我們更踏實與心安的活在個當下
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人是要多少次離別或是經歷痛苦才會清醒過來嗎?
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